The agony of IPL on TV

I am not the 'classiest' of cricket fans as I don't normally watch Test cricket at a stretch. I also don't care much for the IPL or its teams. Still, it has normally been watchable despite being quite forgettable. Post World cup fatigue is obvious this year like it was in 2011.

However, This IPL is probably one of the worst sports broadcasts in the history of the world. The trashy bollywoodization of the sport is now complete. It all starts with the 'theme' song - India ka tyohaar - which just shows dancing un-commentators like Siddhu, Shoaib Akhtar, Gaurav (started as a VJ) and some women I don't care to know the names of. If one just looks at this wedding style dance sequence, one can never guess that it is about a sports tournament.

The studio match analysis starts and ends with a bunch of girls doing a dance routine in cheerleader clothes. Except for titillating the horny Indian male, they serve no other purpose. The commentary in the studio is done by some TV artists with expert comments from Siddhu and Akhtar. There is not a single serious and half-decent sports commentator that has been recruited to give this tamasha feel like a tournament.

Who can shut him up?

Siddhu has gone from bad to worse. When he is not mouthing couplets, he is still mouthing couplets. There is no pause, only excited, meaningless poetry. In fact, he talks so much that Sony Max does not even keep a co-commentator during large stints of Siddhu's commentary. For our MBA loving society, this is gold. Commentator efficiency metric can be devised which leads to profit maximization due to this cost reduction of another commentator. If Siddhu can't keep the audience engaged, show made-up women conducting dumb interviews.

There is hardly any difference in our daily soaps, prime-time news and IPL broadcast. In this tackiness, the real cricket played by the players gets undermined.

Sadly, this tackiness is not only there on TV. It is also there in the stadiums. Sidharth Monga writes describes his agony trying to follow 'cricket' in the stadium.

Update: They have some decent, regular commentators like Gavaskar now in the studio.

RK Laxman: Common man ignored

R.K. Laxman died this week. Incidentally, the common man has also lost representation in the media in the last 5-10 years. If you are not a celebrity or in the urban middle class, good luck getting your issues covered in the media. How many farmer stories have we seen on TV in the last one year? How many stories are based in rural settings? Have our newspapers become glossy urban magazine covers? Speaking about issues of the poor, the marginalized is now considered activism and progress impeding socialism.

To sum it up:
Farmer commits suicide.
Adani gets loan.
R.K. Laxman dies.

Do watch P. Sainath talk about these issues in brief. I recommend watching his longer talks if you have the time.

मेरी मातृभाषा - Meri Matrabhasha

आज मैं तुम्हें लिखने में इस्तेमाल कर रहा हूँ. कई बरस बीत गए हैं.

बोलना सुनना तो बहुत होता है तुममें. पर उसमे भी कई शब्दों के लिए अंग्रेजी का सहारा लेना पड़ता है. ऐसा नहीं है कि तुम्हारे पास उन अर्थों के शब्द नहीं है पर न जाने क्यूँ साधारण से शब्द भी अब तुममे नहीं आते. तुममे लिखना-पढ़ना तो बिलकुल नहीं होता. जंग लग गया है दिमाग के उन कोनों में जहां तुम्हारे शब्द छुपे बैठे हैं. ये लिखते हुए भी मैं कई शब्दों के बारे में सोच में पड़ जाता हूँ. अनिश्चित सा हूँ तुम्हें लिखते हुए.

तुम्हें पढ़ना भी कम हो गया है. स्कूल के बाद तो कभी तुम्हारा कोई उपन्यास ही नहीं पढ़ा. बरसों से अंग्रेजी में ही पढ़ रहा हूँ. एक दूरी सी आ गयी है हमारे बीच. तुम्हें पढ़ना अजीब लगने लगा है. अंग्रेजी का सहारा लेना पढ़ता है. विज्ञान, कहानियां, उपन्यास, सब कुछ अंग्रेजी में ज्यादा अच्छे स्तर का मिलता है. ज्यादा मिलता है. (अब मुझे ‘स्तर’ ही ध्यान नहीं आया. क्वालिटी और स्टैण्डर्ड ज़रूर दिमाग में आये)

थोड़ा दुःख होता है कि मेरी अंग्रेजी का स्तर तुमसे अच्छा है. मुश्किल विचारों को मैं सिर्फ अंग्रेजी में ही प्रकट कर सकता हूँ. वाद विवाद में अपने आप उसकी तरफ मुड़ जाता हूँ. परायों से बात करने में सबसे पहले अंग्रेजी ही निकलती है. ‘छोटे’ आदमी से तुममे बात होती है. ‘बड़े’ आदमी से अंग्रेजी में.

पर अपनेपन का एहसास तभी होता है जब मैं तुम्हारा इस्तेमाल करता हूँ. विदेश में ज़रूर तुममे बात करता हूँ. अपनों से बात तुमसे ही की जाती है. अब जब भी तुममे कहानियां पढ़ता हूँ, दिल के उस तार को छू जाती हैं जो कोई अंग्रेजी कहानी नहीं छू पाई. अंग्रेजी पिक्चर में जब तक subtitles ना हों, तब तक मुझे पूरी तरह विश्वास नहीं आता कि मैंने सही समझा है कि नहीं. गानों के शब्द समझने के लिए काफी प्रयास करना पड़ता है.

ऐसा क्यूँ है? क्या ये ज़रूरी है कि अंग्रेजी के करीब आने के लिए तुम्हारा साथ छोड़ना पड़े.

इससे पहले तुम पराई हो जाओ, मैं तुम्हें अपना बनाए रखना चाहता हूँ. वापस पढ़ना चाहता हूँ. लिखना चाहता हूँ. और इसके लिए मुझे अंग्रेजी का साथ नहीं छोड़ना पड़ेगा. और न ही उन भाषा आंतंकवादियों के साथ मिलना पड़ेगा जो शुद्धता और संस्कृति के नाम पर तुम्हें और तुम्हारे चाहने वालों को सीमित रखना चाहते हैं. हो सकता है कि वर्तमान में तुम्हें कुछ शब्द दूसरी भाषाओं से उधार लेने पड़ें. पर वो स्वाभाविक है. उससे तुम्हारा स्तर और अपनापन कम नहीं होता. बढ़ जाता है. और कुछ समय में, वो अपने ही हो जाएंगे.

आधुनिक विज्ञान, विचार और शिक्षा तुम्हारे द्वारा नहीं हो सकती क्या? क्यूँ तुम्हारी किताबों का स्तर निचला रहे? जब हमारा समाचार, सिनेमा और अपनेपन की बातें तुममे हो सकती हैं तो क्या हम तुम्हारा दायरा बढ़ा कर दुनिया के ज्ञान और विज्ञान को व्यक्त नहीं कर सकते? क्या तुम्हारे ही माध्यम से दुनिया को तुम्हारे चाहने वालों के पास नहीं पहुंचा सकते?

कर सकते हैं. मैं प्रयास ज़रूर करूँगा. कुछ और न सही, वापस तुम्हारे करीब तो आऊंगा. 

Day of water and fish

Incessant rains in the city forced even the trains to come to a halt in the city today. This came as a surprise news to me early in the morning. How will my co-teacher reach the school came to my mind immediately? After speaking to him, realized that he was fighting his way through such pretty constraints.

Alright, back to correcting papers. These were Math papers which hadn't been xeroxed properly and given to the kids. It was difficult to make out anything that was written on the papers. Sigh. A lot of time had been spent running around during that exam helping the kids read the question. When I entered the data into the tracker, realized that achievement on word problems was a brilliant 17%. Such a joyous moment for any teacher. They weren't the easiest problems on the planet but still. Just shows that there's a long way to go with the class.

Just as I was keeping the papers away, I heard a resounding crack behind me. I turn around and there's water gushing out from the fish tank and my feet are wet. The glass wall has given way. Ah yes, we have a fish tank in our house. Even when we didn't have drinking water, we had the fish tank courtesy our weirdo landlord. There are 3 huge fishes in a big fish tank in our hall. They are grumpy looking and apparently cost Rs.80 grand a pair. According to our voodoo loving landlady, they are auspicious and react to the mood swings of the landlord and house environment. They are supposed to change color when someone's sick in the house or when there's fighting in the house.

So clearly, today they realized the flooding outside in the city and decided that their own hall needs to be flooded. Within a minute, our drawing room was pool of water with mattresses and bags hurriedly removed. I spent the next 30 minutes holding the glass wall tightly so that water wouldn't gush out. I dialed, people came and things happened. Fish were to be transferred into a water drum. They clearly didn't like the idea. There was minute when we had a giant fish flapping around on our floor. Such a life-changing moment. I burst into laughter into the ridiculousness of it all. Here I was, soaked, arms aching, ankle deep in water and trying to save these grumpy, priceless fish that we wanted to get rid of. Such are the joys of living.

Managed to get myself to school in time. Spent the day explaining the social studies paper to the kids. When I was exhausted, went with a religious fanaticism to a leadership forum in the downpour. Was pretty soaked by the time I reached there. On the way back, waded through ankle deep water clogged roads.
Back home, a smile appears on the lips when I think about the day gone by. Any shortage of water in my life has been compensated for. Not much time to muse more. Work needs to be done for parent-teacher meeting and other plans need to be put in place.

Switzerland guide for Interns

The assumption is that you have already received an offer letter for internship in Switzerland :P
All facts mentioned are of the period when I went to intern. They might have changed. So here goes.

The major Swiss Universities are EPFL and ETH Zurich for IIT students.
If you plan early enough, you can actually manage to get Swiss Air return tickets as the cheapest options.
There is a flight daily from Mumbai to Zurich. From Zurich, it is best to take a train to your destination city. I made the mistake of taking a flight from Zurich to Geneva and then a train to Lausanne.

The trains in Switzerland are run by SBB. The first thing to do after getting your luggage from the airport is to buy a SBB Half fare card. Valid for a year, it reduces all your tickets to half the price. If you are going to do even the slight amount of traveling, you will recover its cost very very soon. Trust me on this one. And if you are even a little adventurous and an evening traveler, the Track 7 card will prove to be really useful too. I highly recommend it. To buy these at the station, you have to ask at a CFF (railway) desk. Keep your Swiss address and passport pictures handy along with cash.
Find all the information you need on SBB site. You are going to be seeing a lot of this website.

Local Transport in Lausanne

Buying a monthly pass for 41 francs is advisable. It covers both metro and buses. You can get that made from the SBB counter at EPFL or at Lausanne Flon. Otherwise, each normal journey costs 2 francs with half fare card.

Luckily, I was picked up from railway station on my first day. Otherwise, normally there is some problem to manage all that luggage and finding your way about in the a new country.

Staying

Among the 6 student accommodations, Bourdonnette (where I stayed), part of Cedres and Ochettes have apartment systems. Rhodanie and Falaises are more like a dorm. All of them have some advantages and disadvantages. Bourdonnette worked really really well for me.

Your first 10-15 days might be cold. So take some warm clothes. Especially, if you are not from North India and used to some amount of cold. If possible, take something for the night. Bedsheets, pillows and all are not included in your room rent. Though you can take them from your house manager for around 50 francs which is not so bad.

If you are not staying in an apartment, do take cooking utensils and food from India else you might have to buy there and that is not cheap.
Take atleast 500 francs from India for your initial expenditure including Half fare card.

Shopping and Food

All shopping is done at Migros and Denner supermarkets. Migros is the cheapest. Denner is cheaper for some things. The most important thing: Migros doesn't have Alcohol and cigarettes. Denner \m/

Shops in Switzerland usually close at 6:30 or 7 pm. Even earlier on Saturday and on Sunday everything is closed. Migros at Ouchy is an exception.

There are also Indian shops close to Avenue de France and one under Lausanne station.

Do take health insurance from India with large remuneration. Around 100 000 USD upwards.

Post questions in comments.
More travel and living advice later. Have fun in Europe.

Kasab even booked for entering without ticket

Investigators in the Mumbai terror attack are leaving nothing to chance and they have even booked Ajmal Kasab, the lone gunman captured, for entering the Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus without a railway ticket. Check out the story at TOI.
WTF!!

Link courtesy Shantanu Gangal.

Hitler's only ball

In the news, it has been confirmed that Hitler was monorchic i.e he had only one ball. Well, guess now I can't say "Hitler had balls".
Over time it has been established that Hitler was sexually abnormal and that probably he never consummated sex with anyone. Few theories floating around are, he had homosexual tendencies (as he spent a considerable part of his life with them), he had an incestuous relationship with his cousin, he had a relationship with a 16 year old child, he got off on peeing and stuff on women and various kinds of obscene, unpleasant theories based on some unverified, unreliable information.
Looks like he decided that instead of screwing woman the normal way, he is going to royally screw the world. And by God, did he succeed.

Frustration!

Love the following image. Hopefully, just a figment of imagination else anybody taking fast Rubik's cube solving classes.

Beating the Bishop: Cardinal sin

Thanks to India Uncut Blog I stumbled upon 'Masturbation is evil' site which proclaims that masturbation is evil. It's a wonderful read and should go a long way in terminating this social evil that has taking hold of our society - especially among people who are in the sexually active age-group. It clears away the myths that surround us.
Few extracts:
Myth: Masturbation is harmless.
Reality: Christianity proves that chronic Masturbation causes weakness, depression, forgetfulness and nearsightedness.
Comment: Since when did Christianity become a research group investigating claims.

Myth: There are bigger problems than Masturbation, like drugs and AIDS.
Reality: Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW! Masturbation costs American businesses at least $3.14 billion in lost productivity every month!
Comment: Wonder how much does India or China suffer because of this evil!!

Myth: Masturbation is a "Victimless Crime."
Reality: Theological experts on Masturbation have come to the conclusion that Masturbation is what is known as a "gateway" sin. This means that Masturbation leads to more serious offenses. In fact, practically all rapists, Sodomites, child molesters and pornography addicts started out as Masturbators.
Comment: Hearing about the group Masturbators for the first time. Do they have regular meetings and stuff. What's their agenda??

Myth: But everyone's doing it!
Reality: Surveys have repeatedly shown that up to 5% of Americans don't Masturbate.
Comment: Aren't 5% people the one who can't rather than don't. We do have a fair share of senior citizens.

It goes so far as to even proposing a solution.

How to stop the current epidemic of Self-Abuse...
..If we are to get tough on Masturbation, we must eliminate Masturbatory paraphernalia. This means outlawing such things as:
..
2. ALL indecent art. This includes paintings, sculptures and photographs. We don't need the Victoria's Secret catalog! Simple, modest underwear would sell itself and minimize unGodly temptations.
Comment: Looks like glossy and attractive magazines are going to go through a lean period
3. Certain food. If we outlaw dildos and require that all sausages, cucumbers and carrots be sold pre-sliced, we will make it much easier for the women among us to resist the temptation to Masturbate.
Comment: My favorite part. Let's also ban bananas, peanuts and lollipops. Let's raze down Eiffel Tower, Qutub Minar and Washington Monument. Let's stop building rockets and submarines.
They get a bit strict here..
..
Zero Tolerance! Zero Tolerance has been a rallying cry in the War On Drugs, and is a policy that should be enacted immediately in the War On Masturbation! Any amount of Masturbation is too much! Any person caught touching his or her genitals without a solid, medically-approved reason should be imprisoned in a boot camp. We will teach our children that God did not give us genitals for entertainment. Way to go!!That should put a stop to all the 'funny' stuff going on

They have even given Scientific PROOF!


In fact, it also goes on to say that chronic masturbation is the cause of assault on America.

MASTURBATION EQUALS VIOLENCE! How can any honest person believe otherwise in the face of the overwhelming evidence presented here? The one thing that the authors of these messages have in common, other than the fact that they are all seething powderkegs of homicidal fury, is that they all MASTURBATE!

LIBERALISM EQUALS VIOLENCE! Note well the Liberal political philosophies parroted by so many of these diatribes! This proves more than ever that ALL Liberal political movements, including Feminism, Communism, Kalistaism, Vegetarianism, the Democratic Party and the current "Peace" movement, are nothing but violent death cults fueled by the evil hatred that comes from Chronic Masturbation! Can anything be more chilling than a warning that you are on a list of victims to be "killed by people with open minds and accepting personalities?"
Is there anything left in this world that hasn't been blamed for the assault on America??