Friday, August 29, 2008

Beating the Bishop: Cardinal sin

Thanks to India Uncut Blog I stumbled upon 'Masturbation is evil' site which proclaims that masturbation is evil. It's a wonderful read and should go a long way in terminating this social evil that has taking hold of our society - especially among people who are in the sexually active age-group. It clears away the myths that surround us.
Few extracts:
Myth: Masturbation is harmless.
Reality: Christianity proves that chronic Masturbation causes weakness, depression, forgetfulness and nearsightedness.

Comment: Since when did Christianity become a research group investigating claims.

Myth: There are bigger problems than Masturbation, like drugs and AIDS.
Reality: Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW! Masturbation costs American businesses at least $3.14 billion in lost productivity every month!

Comment: Wonder how much does India or China suffer because of this evil!!

Myth: Masturbation is a "Victimless Crime."
Reality: Theological experts on Masturbation have come to the conclusion that Masturbation is what is known as a "gateway" sin. This means that Masturbation leads to more serious offenses. In fact, practically all rapists, Sodomites, child molesters and pornography addicts started out as Masturbators.

Comment: Hearing about the group Masturbators for the first time. Do they have regular meetings and stuff. What's their agenda??

Myth: But everyone's doing it!
Reality: Surveys have repeatedly shown that up to 5% of Americans don't Masturbate.

Comment: Aren't 5% people the one who can't rather than don't. We do have a fair share of senior citizens.

It goes so far as to even proposing a solution.

How to stop the current epidemic of Self-Abuse...
..If we are to get tough on Masturbation, we must eliminate Masturbatory paraphernalia. This means outlawing such things as:
2. ALL indecent art. This includes paintings, sculptures and photographs. We don't need the Victoria's Secret catalog! Simple, modest underwear would sell itself and minimize unGodly temptations.

Comment: Looks like glossy and attractive magazines are going to go through a lean period
3. Certain food. If we outlaw dildos and require that all sausages, cucumbers and carrots be sold pre-sliced, we will make it much easier for the women among us to resist the temptation to Masturbate.
Comment: My favorite part. Let's also ban bananas, peanuts and lollipops. Let's raze down Eiffel Tower, Qutub Minar and Washington Monument. Let's stop building rockets and submarines.
They get a bit strict here..
Zero Tolerance! Zero Tolerance has been a rallying cry in the War On Drugs, and is a policy that should be enacted immediately in the War On Masturbation! Any amount of Masturbation is too much! Any person caught touching his or her genitals without a solid, medically-approved reason should be imprisoned in a boot camp. We will teach our children that God did not give us genitals for entertainment.
Way to go!!That should put a stop to all the 'funny' stuff going on

They have even given Scientific PROOF!

In fact, it also goes on to say that chronic masturbation is the cause of assault on America.

MASTURBATION EQUALS VIOLENCE! How can any honest person believe otherwise in the face of the overwhelming evidence presented here? The one thing that the authors of these messages have in common, other than the fact that they are all seething powderkegs of homicidal fury, is that they all MASTURBATE!

LIBERALISM EQUALS VIOLENCE! Note well the Liberal political philosophies parroted by so many of these diatribes! This proves more than ever that ALL Liberal political movements, including Feminism, Communism, Kalistaism, Vegetarianism, the Democratic Party and the current "Peace" movement, are nothing but violent death cults fueled by the evil hatred that comes from Chronic Masturbation! Can anything be more chilling than a warning that you are on a list of victims to be "killed by people with open minds and accepting personalities?"

Is there anything left in this world that hasn't been blamed for the assault on America??


g2 said...

I sincerely believe in the phrase that 99% of people masturbate and the remaining 1% are liars...

Reisender said...

hehe.. but i sincerely hope that you realize the amount of industrious time that is being spent pursuing this evil (though enjoyable :P)